The Art of Assumption

Whether you know it or not there is an art of assumption. I remember my first lesson in this art form I got was from watching “The New Odd Couple” with Demond Wilson aka Lamont Sanford and Ron Glass. This was an 80’s sitcom that lasted only one season but gave me one of my very first adult lessons. I was eight years old at the time. There was a scene where Ron Glass plays a lawyer in court and he is giving closing arguments and he describes what happens when you ASSUME, how, in essence you make an “ASS” out of “U” and “ME”. It was deep on many levels, that always stuck with me as an example of how powerful assumptions are.

Make no mistake about it there is an art of assumption, especially when it comes to intimate relationships and it is violated in the most egregious manner daily.  The Art of Assumption when it comes to relationships and titles is one of the most controversial topics among men and women. And it is a controversial topic for a lot of people because of the stereotypical gender roles it brings to the forefront and the struggle for clarity in the dark and murky waters of relationships. It brings the pre-disposed concepts of how each role is “supposed to act” out their role in the relationship.  When does the relationship start and when do titles come into play. What is the timeline? Is there a timeline? Does sex automatically put the title in place?

Women need titles and men are indifferent as a whole to the issue until it is too late. The natural law of assumption is that when two people date and/or have sex they are boy/girlfriend, right? We as a culture have adopted so-called natural assumptions when it comes down to relationships and one of those assumptions is that there must be a well defined title for both parties involved.  We need the name brand to define us because it is the brand that secures our social and personal status. This is the nasty truth for a lot of us. It is the brand name that for some reason enhances the quality and texture; which enhances the worth and even the self-worth of the owner. It is a symbol of opulence and status in society, but at the same time negating the true value. When it is all said and done the reality is that it is all made in China anyway.

Our relationship norms have become relationship policies and the first policy dictates that give a nomenclature to your involvement with one another. You have to know which direction you’re going, right? We live in a world were the words boy/girlfriend or spouse must to immediately follow their names after the introduction to friends/or colleagues commences or consequences ensue.

We assume that titles go along with the territory in relationships, but many of us have been someone’s boy/girlfriend for period of time and did not even know it.  Many of us are in relationships and do not know even as you read these words right now. The Art of Assumption dictates that the insinuated and the unspoken become the basis of any relationship, because “you’re just supposed to know you’re my man or woman I am not supposed to tell you-right”?

Our roles in relationships change and as the responsibilities in the relationship increase our personal stake does as well. As we establish a more dynamic role in the relationship it becomes more personal, we become vested in the situation because we have more to be accountable for it. As the titles evolve from casual to formal people personalize the feelings, safety and progression of that other person involved. Great! That’s what women are thinking. Not all men think in those terms they are open with the whole title manifesto that leaves room for interpretation so they can have their escape clause to get out. This is why men feast off what women do not say.

Note that the above statements work both ways. In these days and times women crave to have the same autonomic liberties as men when it comes to relationships.  Women want the option to personalize their relationship or not to. What a shocking and surprising revelation for a woman or man to be introduced as someone’s boy/girlfriend or even fiancée especially when the two have not even discussed it.  It can also backfire and reveal the true nature of your relationship.  And for a lot of couples that is the last thing they want to happen because confrontation follows suit.

It is the Art of Assumption that gives you the excuse and right to be assertive in claiming your mate without their knowledge or consent. I mean who in the hell wants to be rejected in front of the person they are attaching the title to, so why ask them, hence the secret proclamation and then the public declaration.

(Note to the reader always break up in a public place.)

The Art of Assumption is the perfect tool for people who are vested in a relationship who want to magically create the terms and conditions all without opening your mouth. We assume because we have been dating for a while that…. We assume that because I met his/her parents and friends that….. We naturally assume that because we had sex that…. Or we assume that because I have spent this amount of money that…

A person that is skill in using the Art of Assumption can create a relationship in their heads so fantastic that the person they are dating will actually believe that they themselves took part in proposing, negotiating terms and agreeing to all titles, deeds and claims. The Art of Assumption does the work for you.

To label or not to label, that is the question. We live now for the right to label title or define our relationships as we see fit, we just need to let the other person in on the news updates when they happen. At the end of the day, it is the ultimate self- deception to think that titles mean anything more than ceremonial tradition and outdated norms. They do not guarantee a lock.  It is the work together that validates purpose not titles and not assumption but ownership of the verb that is real L.O.V.E. In this way you won’t make an ASS out of U or ME again.

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